Competition and Envy-The ugly side of insecurity…or a tool for motivation?

Updated: Aug 9, 2021

Competition can be looked at through so many different lens, and how we view and relate to competition can either aid us or slow us down dramatically, causing us angst and anxiety or we can choose to use at as fuel for our own fire.

Whichever industry you are in, competition is one factor you can guarantee you are going to have to consider but how you use it, or let it effects you solely depends on you.

In the adult industry it can affect us particularly hard because we ARE our businesses, it feels personal, because in one sense, it is-just not in the way that it really is. We can view others success as a direct reflection on

an us not being good enough, it’s as though when we are feeling insecure, we look at others success as a direct reason why we aren’t doing as well; or more accurately, why we don’t perceive ourselves to be doing as well. All these thoughts are merely assumptions, and also not at all true, but that doesn’t make their impact any less real.

When we begin to feel threatened by others, we act in what is a knee jerk reactionary behaviour, we begin to fret and change our business and way of marketing to reflect the panic we are feeling internally.

When we start to do this, when someone else’s hard work is paying off and they are reaping what they’ve sown, it and instead of feeling happy for them, we feel anxiety, it’s the perfect time to reflect on WHY someone else’s business is bringing up these emotions. This is all about you, and that’s a hard truth to swallow, trust me I know more than most.

What is it in yourself and your business that is causing the panic? Why is someone else’s winning season making you f

eel less then? Or alternatively, why do you think you should be doing better than they are? Our ego’s play so many little tricks on us, always wanting to be the ‘best’, underlying this is a deep seated insecurity that needs to be addressed, so you don’t feel threatened in the presence of someone doing well.

An alternative way to view competition is to embrace it. Use someone else’s success to be something that inspires you, see them as aspirational and applaud them. Our wins come in seasons, every downturn is a chance to prepare for the winning season. How can you tweak your strategies, how can you improve, how can you PLAN, without needing to react out of fear?

When I first began in the industry, I was fresh, I didn’t know what the perfect mix of ingredients created success, but I did come from a background in sales and marketing so I knew one thing. It’s about the clients NEEDS. What does the client NEED.

At the beginning of my career, when I was still finding my feet in this turbulent industry, I had jet black hair so the clients booking me were also booking two industry power houses, Vivienne Black and Christine McQueen, and their clients absolutely just doted on both of them, they RAVED and raved about how fabulous these women are, they wouldn't stop talking about how good they made them feel, you could their faces light up with genuine infatuation and appreciation of these women.

I had a choice during those moments. I could feel envious, jealous and mad that during my booking clients were raving about how incredible other women were, or I could listen, understand and use them as aspirational models of success.

Which is what I did. I asked the clients what they loved about them, what made them so incredible. Now, there’s a very clear difference in understanding a clients needs and trying to mould yourself to fit their ideals.

Both of these women are very different in marketing, branding and demeanor to myself, Viv is the absolute glamour who is naturally vibrant and vivacious, and Christine is a powerful, overtly sexual pornstar where I’m an insatiable, laid back, sensual girlfriend experience. Did I want to be them? No, of course not, I could never begin to pretend to allude what comes naturally to them, nor would I want to, I have my own ways of connecting and satisfying. What I did do is take notes of how these women made their clients FEEL, because that is the what every single client wants, they want to feel a certain way, and while there are many ways to reach that end goal, you need to understand what it is they want yo begin with.

I understood their success came from their ability to give their unique skills and gifts to a client in a way that was exactly what they needed. There is so much variety and diversity to celebrate within this industry, and that's the key to understand. If they already have one escort who is their view of perfection in some way, they don't need to book a carbon copy. People love variety, this industry thrives on, what makes you unique is what will make you money.

And that’s my message to you. You can view competition as a threat, or you can recognise that others have unique skills that are what drives their success-and you do to, but you can’t hone your skills and share them in a way that’s true and natural if you are so caught up in what others are doing, nobody wins when anxiety and envy are the motivator behind your actions.

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